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July 18, 2006

Most of the "help me transfer umpteen million dollars out of Africa" email scam messages come with colorful stories of deposed diplomats, intestate oil executive deaths, or fear of dictatorial regimes coming after the families and secret assets of murdered politicos. The English is usually, at best, broken, and perhaps the combination of a long, sad story in a second-grade English composition pulls at the heartstrings of recipients.

Well, no, those characteristics have nothing to do with those who fall for it. The recipients are simply greedy and lazy, hoping to cash in on someone else's misfortune, even if it means committing a few white-collar crimes along the way.

One 419er obviously understands the bottom line of the appeal, and doesn't bother concocting a tearful tale of woe. He comes right to the point:

Attention Sir

I am the Chairman of the Contract Award Committee(CCAC), Ministry of Mines and Energy,Namibia, We need a trust-worthy partner to assist us in the transfer of Twenty Two Million United State Dollars(US$22M). And subsequent investment in properties in your country.

You will be required to:

(1) Assist in the transfer of the said sum to your country for a viable business

(2) Assist us in purchase of properties.

If you decide to render your service to us in this regard, 22.5% of the total sum will be offered to you. Please, kindly get back to me if you willing to assist.

Yours Faithfully
John M. Titus

The supposed payout for this one—nearly $5 million—may be good enough for any greedy Gus to make that one big, final score. Just reply to the free netscape.net email address to get started.

Of course the $5 mill is also enough of a cushion to let the crook con any taker into forking over many thousands of dollars up front for the inevitable fees, taxes, bribes, bank transfer mistakes, blah, blah, blah. The only pot at the end of that rainbow is a flusing toilet.